Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Happy 40th, Kim - or Saturn Opposition, part 1

It is time for a new entry on this blog. I started one two days ago. It was going to be very profound; I could tell. I had to take a break because it was supper-time, and my PC is in the kitchen, and I am the woman here; therefore expected to get dinner on the table, or at least help. (these people eat too early for my liking, but then again, dinner is over and out of the way earlier) My daughter, we all suspect, must have thought she was minimizing my new entry, but deleted it instead. Oh well, you'll never know about the Scorpio planetary line-up of Sun/Venus/Mars, plus the Mercury/Jupiter conjunction in Scorpio. I no longer think much of it, though I am sure much could be thought of, and probably expounded upon, because of it. IDC.

Besides being Kim Ayres 40th birthday today, it is the 3rd anniversary of my Dad's passing. My father was 72 and died of Creutzfeld-Jacob (pron Kroytsfeld-Yockoff) Disease. It is the human form of mad cow disease.

At the time, I was having a Saturn opposition going on. Thank goodness that only happens once every 28-9 years. Saturn represents the father image - is stern, imposing limits, teaching and providing structure, the disciplinarian. It is the ruler of Capricorn. It is why some Capricorns appear so serious and thoughtful. I have seen some happy-go-lucky Caps., though they are still very responsible and dependable.

My Dad also had some powerful, life-changing (obviously) transits going on too. I became all the more reliant on Astrology to bring understanding to my experiences during his final days as Samuel Francis Ferrara.

The one that became most prominent was transiting Neptune squaring his natal Mercury. My Rob Hand book, "Planets in Transit", said this and more: "In some, cases this transit can also coincide with some type of paralysis or other motor nerve problem, but this is not likely unless there is a predisposition in your birth chart. Avoid drugs that affect the mind at this time, for your mind already has enough unreality to contend with."

My Dad was lucid sometimes. As his neural functions shut down, his thoughts never stopped coming. For weeks, he couldn't sleep for more than little spurts, and even then his mind wouldn't shut off. He would start to doze and then suddenly he was up, having to get someplace. That is, he took off for places, but couldn't get there without falling. Towards the end, he was so full of meds that his eyes would close for periods, but he kept poking at things in the air, sometimes looking like he was writing stuff. He was hallucinating in a very un-relaxed way.

It was all very Neptunian; the drugs, the hospital stay, the ambiguity of what exactly was wrong and trying every test, drug, and specialist we could to diagnose and fix the problem. And also Neptunian, he thought he was in a movie sometimes, and he never stopped being interested in tv and old movies. They were playing in his hospital room and he could come through the fog to tell you who played a part, or what the story was about. It was odd, but we could communicate with him on that level.

We only learned through an autopsy what it was affecting him. I resisted that idea of CJD being what was causing his problems. Did you know that mad cow disease and CJD is a parasite that eats holes in the brain? They say you can't get the parasite from eating tainted meat, which affects other livestock besides cattle.

Mostly because it was my Saturn opposition - this time 3 years ago - meant that I lost a safety net. I am quite okay because he provided the body for me (through procreation) and then taught me how to take care of it. My first Saturn opposition at 14-15 meant I sought autonomy - challenging authority figures, including him, and trying to gain more independence on other levels.

Thanks, Dad. I am sure all of the things I learned or inherited from you will stand me in good stead for the next Saturn opposition in approx. 25 years when I am 71.


Kim Ayres said...

Hi JG. Thanks for the birthday wishes!

Sorry to hear of your father's death by CJD. It must have been such a hard time for you.

81 in 25 years? By my calculations that makes you... least 10 to 15 years older than I thought you were. You look good in your photos :)

Jupiter's Girl said...

Hey, Kim. You should have told me that you made at least one comment on my blog and it didn't publish. I had no idea. Don't know why it did that either. Now, I have comments. Yay.

Sorry that I used your birthday to make an entry about my Dad. I didn't know that was coming out when I started by dedicating it to you.

The death of my Dad was as surreal as it gets.