Me and my good attitude

I am Jupiter's Girl, which means I don't let upsetting things get me down for long. Jupiter is the Lord of Grace, and as such, confers an abundance of faith and optimism. I have philosophy to fall back on. I often panic before finding that faith.

Of course, I have not been challenged as much as others have. I have not experienced the death of a child, nor lost my house in a storm or because I couldn't pay the note; my husband is still alive and helpful. Oh yeah, there are many circumstances that I'd have difficulty rising above if I think about it.

The stress I experience has to do with my thinking that whatever I am doing for a living is totally different to what I should be doing for soul-fulfillment.

I floundered in high school until my senior year when I boldly auditioned and got a part in a play. Then another and another. I found my niche. I am a thespian. The high school counselor tried to discourage me from majoring in theatre in college; so did my Mom. She told me 'those people' aren't happy. I did it anyway. My mother advised I get a minor to fall back on - psychology was it.

Flunked out of college afer 3 semesters - stabbed at it again a year later. Hated college enough to burn my bridges and didn't formally withdraw that second time, which gave me 0's in all of those classes. Stayed away from the theatre for 17 years. Tried to put it behind me. That was child's Play.

Jobs in between college and vo-tech - cocktail waitressing, bartending, became a bit of a social alcoholic for a while and then sobered up, worked the front office at a hotel, night summary (accounting), software sales, and then more cocktail waitressing, worked banquets, temped as receptionist and administrative assistant.

Graduated from the vo-tech with a computer programming certificate. Computer programming caused me to become narcoleptic. As soon as I stopped programming, I could keep my eyes open. No amount of caffeine or rest before could keep me from nodding off as soon as it came to coding in Cobol.

Became a WANG computer operator for a big corporation for years before my job as at-home mom for years. All the while, my husband worked a full-time job and a part time job and I did many things to supplement his income.

So, I read "Conversations With God". There is an exercise in it that has one pretending to have a conversation with an unseen force sitting with you and this force wants to know what you would do if there were no obstacles. By then, I had a million and one reasons why theatre was a thing of the past, but I took a shot and told the force that "I'd be an actress." And then one thing led to another, I was on stage singing and dancing and cavorting with people at rehearsals. I was back in my element. No doubts. I am a thespian. That was in 1997.

Jobs in between 1997 and the infamous 9/11 incident: babysat, cleaned houses, administrative assistant, booked movies, produced an improv show, ran a movie theater.

After 9/11, I hung out my shingle as an astrologer, wrote a solar forecast column for an entertainment guide that went under, then ran and subsequently bought Synchronicity - a retail store.

Hurricane Katrina changed my direction again when it smashed Synchronicity to smithereens one month after making it mine. There really has been no settlement in my life. At 46, one should be counting the days till retirement with a predictable notion of how to live out the next half. It is just not to be.

I have to get a job, again. There is no denying that I need money, though I have am sometimes careless and frivolous with it.

I have had four jobs, not counting my stint as an extra, nor my occasional astrological client, in the past 6 months. One of those jobs only lasted an afternoon, one was 3 half-days, one was 3 and a half days.

The last one, at the coffee house, was 7 days (or 40 hours). It would have been fine if there was business that I could have made tips off of, and if the owner wasn't a bonafide ass. My good attitude could have made it work for me.

I don't know what will become of me. I am a very good actress. I have great timing, learn lines quick, am disciplined and focussed, and take direction well. I will do it for free. I have done plays at local theatres once a year for the past several years.

I am also a very good astrologer. I have gotten excellent feedback from former clients. I have beefed up my toolbox and offer Tarot readings too. I am quite intuitive now since becoming a Reiki Master. I was always perceptive (Mercury in Pisces), but now the pictures come in very clear. Where to go with that?

Square peg seeks round hole. My good attitude will round me out, but do I want to be round again? What else is there to do? "Buck up," I tell myself. It could all be worse. I can't keep telling those wolves knocking at the door, "in a minute." They are on to me and know I won't ever open the door. I'll have to get the machete.